Jigger Johnson 2023 (DNF)
This weekend I towed the line at the inaugural Jigger Johnson 100 miler. This race is an EPICally rugged out-and-back through the White Mountain National Forest in NH. This race was beyond any ultra I’ve ever experienced. A mash-up of fast-packing and orienteering. I left my heart out there, but unfortunately I DNF’d at mile 74 miles (33hrs). This is my first time not finishing a race, something I’ll be processing for some time. It feels like I haven’t left yet. It’s like I’m just stuck in the moment. Did I respect the mountains enough? Did I fly too close to the sun?
During training I build up a wall to protect my mind and keep me present/focused. The cracks started forming when I got lost in the dark in the middle of an ice cold river. It left me disoriented and panicked. The panic adds stress and progresses the mental fatigue. Then you fall, you get lost again, you gradually slip into a deficit, then suddenly it hits you. You’re floating out there, trapped by little oversights throughout the night. This is all slowed me down and eventually lead to my downfall. A lot of my preparation went well, but when you’re going into something of this caliber, the smallest details can define success. There’s no room for small misses. In endurance efforts the struggles/deficits are a guarantee and they always begin gradually, but then suddenly you’re in danger. When you’re alone in a mountain race where the aid stations are 15-18 miles (6-10hrs) apart, “danger” is the last thing you want to confront.
Ultras aren’t always about crossing finish lines or winning, it's about showing up and trying. It's about learning and being okay with things not going as planned. This is also what makes it complex. I’m extremely proud of what I was capable of doing and what I was able to learn, but when setting out into a race, even if the goal is adventure over winning, not finishing is still part of the story. Without it, it remains unfinished.
Needless to say, I’m not done with the White Mountains. I will become a mountain runner. ⛰️
P.S. Thanks to all who helped make this happen 🙏
